It’s not the candle’s fault when the wick runs out.
It’s not the candle’s fault it was made to burn so long.
“When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.” Fiona Apple
It is not your fault, it never was, never will be. It’s not your fault your bed feels cold all the time, it’s not your fault you’re not sad, you’ve become sadness. It’s not your fault it was too much for too long and too little of anything to make it better, it is not your fault. It is not you fault you can’t “hold your sh*t together” in a public gathering, it is not you fault you no more want to step out. Stop apologizing for this break in the spine, this crack shall fill, and it is okay to take your time.
“He: What’s the matter with you?
Nothing was slowly clotting my arteries. Nothing slowly numbing my soul. Caught by nothing, saying nothing, nothingness becomes me. When I am nothing they will say surprised in the way that they are forever surprised, “but there was nothing the matter with her.” – Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries
Take your time to understand why and how you got here, and how you deserve all the time in the world, you need to heal. It’s okay to expect people to pull you up now and then, stop being sorry for this weak spot. Weaknesses are nothing to be ashamed of. You’re human, sweetheart. You’re going through something horrible, something painful, something no less than a broken leg, more, a broken soul. You’re allowed, give yourself that.
It has taken so long to understand this pain of yours, and still hundreds don’t, tomorrow too, hundreds won’t. Stop feeling like you’re doing wrong, like you’re spreading the wrong vibe. You have every right to do anything that helps you heal. Never be sorry. Don’t be sorry. You’re a full blown warrior as cliched as it may sound. Do whatever it takes to win your fight.
“Depression is like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise in your mind. You just got to be careful not to touch it where it hurts. It’s always there, though.” – Jeffrey Eugenides, The Marriage Plot
And never apologize for it.